North Korea to Rename Nodong Missile after John Kerry

North Korea's official newspaper, the Rodong Ilbo ("Workers' Daily"), reported yesterday that the communist country would be renaming its long-range missiles "John Kerrys" as a consolation to the Massachusetts senator whose recent bid to turn the United States into a crippled socialist nightmare of a country ended Thursday after the American electorate came to its senses.

The missiles had previously been named "Nodong" missiles; undisclosed sources within the U.S. Congress reflected acidly that the renaming seemed to convey exactly the same meaning as before.