Bush to Begin Spending "Political Capital"

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced on Monday that newly re-elected President Bush will start spending what he calls "politcial capital earned from getting re-elected." In his first speech after Kerry conceded the election, Bush began referring to a brand new form of money that he received after winning the support of the American people. "You see, when you win a popularity contest, I mean the Presidential election, it confirms all of your thoughts that the American people love you," Bush continued to say "not only do they love me, but they all took out their check books and awarded me copious amounts of political capital." When asked how he plans to spend his newly acquired wealth, Bush stated "On a cream cheese pinata, of course, but that's just the beginning. I'm not gonna spend it all on cream cheese Mexican party devices, I have other plans, you just wait and see." McClellan refused to speculate as to what the President will now do with his capital, but The Daily Scoffer has received a classified list that was taken off of the President's desk in the Oval Office. It read as follows:

How to Spend Political Capital
By George

Cream Cheese Pinata
Six Pack of Vasoline
Fly Swatters(two)
French Flag
Lighter Fluid
Matches
Day spent hanging out with Jose Canseco
"I Heart Long Duck Dong" bumper sticker